Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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