i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
