Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
