I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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