Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
