I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
