just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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