Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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