the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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