I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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