today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
