I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
MIDGETS
????
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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