Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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