What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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