He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
3pm strippers are depressing
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
