You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
