Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
