It's Friday. Sex?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
