Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
