Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
