loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
