oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
