I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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