so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
