ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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