the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
