you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
