Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
