And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
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Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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