I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"