sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub