my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
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I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first