If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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