That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
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I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
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She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.