Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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