this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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