There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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