im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
