margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm always down for nudity.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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