You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
