Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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