And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
