Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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