I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
