I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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