Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
