So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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