She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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