is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
