i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
