I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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