no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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