Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
