I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
