I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
