she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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