I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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