do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
