Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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