dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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