Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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