i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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