STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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