..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
