He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
