just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.