I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.