I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
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dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
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I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.