Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.