I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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