Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
