glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
