would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I forget how to act sober
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
