my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
