Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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