bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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